Dating with Contracts

Monday Morning Breakfast
Scrambled Eggs with Cheddar & Bell Peppers,
Wheat Toast & Watermelon Prepared by Filthy Supreme

I was recently reminded of a beef I had with Filthy last February.

It arose when he asserted that in the past he would
let women know up front that he wasn't interested in a long
term anything but would continue to hang out. In his mind

this absolved him of any responsibility for a woman
catching feelings.

This conversation initially started off as a discussion about
how he dates.  Because we have first jeans, first date hats,

first date hair cuts, and my favorite, first date eye shadow,

we are not really being ourselves when we begin dating.

He mentioned that he approaches it with the intention of 

not subscribing to societal gender roles because those roles

don't allow people to be themselves on their first Dates. 

His rationale is that when we wear the first date gear, we are 

not being ourselves but someone who wants to avoid rejection. 

The idea is that we perform gender norms to avoid rejection

from a potential partner.

Needless to say, I was intrigued. 

While I thought that the gender role theory was very
bell hooksian of him, I had a problem with the notion that telling
a woman up front that he wasn't interested in something long term
absolved him of any responsibility if and when she caught feelings.

My rationale is that if we are eating together, catching flicks
together, Barnes and Nobling together, then you are doing
the things that I would DO with my dude.
And to sit there, marinate, benefit and soak it all in, without
concern for the title or duties associated with receiving such
benefit is short sighted and selfish. Besides being on the take
like that is a sure fire way to cultivate a stalker.

Welcome to dating with contracts.

To be fair, I have been on both sides of the the equation. On one side, I am
hanging out with the someone who I DO not want a title with, but enjoying the
benefits just the same. Then there is the other side of doing partner type
labor without the partnership title.

We fall in love meal by meal, flick by flick.

I was reminded of all this last week when Mean Sexy and I were talking
about someone she met recently and the time they spend together.
She has a desire to keep it low key but stays hanging out with dude.

Getting it in.

My line for Filthy was the same for her, which is "With every meal, you
grow closer, not further apart" so if you want space you have to stop
eating with him. But ya'll know how it is.

Good cooked food. Long Saturday mornings. The warm and fuzzy's
feel good. But those warm and fuzzy's require work.

Saturday nights dinner.
Pesto Pizza with Artichoke hearts & Mozzarella.
Courtesy of 'ya boy.

Our exchange reminded me of a notion from Junot Diaz's Drown
where he talks about relationship break-up velocity. His rationale
is that once the break up is on the horizon, there ain't really
nothing you can do to stop it.

I hate admitting that. Hated it. Hated it. Hated it. But he is right.

Try as you may. Its unstoppable.

I would also say that there is relationship start up velocity.
You may not think that the time that you are spending
with this person, the breakfast, the movies, the long good byes,
are just good clean fun, but seeds are being planted and someone
is bound to catch feelings.