I was reading the Village Voice interview with DJ Khaled and he shouted his brothers b-day saying,
"Man, I'm feeling good," Khaled says as he goes live on Orlando's 102 Jamz. "I'm on my way to Orlando 'cause it's my brother's birthday. Mayne: Happy birthday. I love you. No homo.I noted to myself, that was interesting. This dudes notion of masculinity
is so thin, that saying he loves his brother potentially constitutes being gay.
Hmmp.
Don't get me wrong.
I get it.
Alledging a mans homosexuality- a man who is NOT gay-
is emasculating, and IT IS a cornerstone of hip hop and American culture.
I get that being soft is a surefire ticket to beatdown city in the hood.
Soft being gay, soft being feminine. Gay being feminine.
^^^^I think I covered enough cultural/sexual landminds?!?!?!?!!?
So I went to Dallas Pens house tonight and I came across
an analysis of whether Jay Z was gay and realized, there is
something amiss here.
Why is being gay such a threat?
Now here is what I know.
Black people have been exposed to gay folks.
Black people got gay folks in they family.
Yet, there are men walking around typing/saying
no homo this or that AND GOT gay folks in they family.
I mean, we are talking the gay uncle, auntie or cousin, brother or sister.
So its not like we haven't been exposed it and that we don't know no
better.
In addition, Black men get locked up. And consequently,
there are men who identify as being hetrosexual and they
have sex with men while they are in prison.
Where do these men fit into the spectrum?
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My question is why the fear?
And why the lack of discussion about it?
Why, for Black men, and men in general, the fear
of gayness?
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25 comments:
i think allot of the fear in our community comes from the fact that manhood is "taken" when men go to jail. It's not the jail cell they fear but the known element of sexual violation that our system has done nothing to verify. the horrors of what happens to men in jails and prison is frightening and at core is what emasculates men and sends them back out into a society...fucked up! Pun intended.
gay by choice is different than gay by force and I think it's the unspoken threat of violence that men really fear.
my two cents!
gay by choice is different than gay by force and I think it's the unspoken threat of violence that men really fear.
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hmmp.
As you know, I am not a black man. But I am a male, and I have been exposed to this fucked up contradiction my whole life.
A lot of males, whether they be old or young, use homosexual terms to put down one another. But if another dude talks like he watched Clueless too many times in his life, motherfuckers are quick to hate.
As children we are called faggots, homos, and other derogatory gay terms, and we are led to believe that that is the worst thing in the world to be. Another thing we learn as children is to form cliques and social groups that are obviously set apart from each other by defining qualities.
These two things clash when it comes to finding out someone is gay. Subconsciously we think that if we kick it or associate with a gay man, that we will be grouped together with him or be considered less of a man. It's sad but that's just how are world is.
In my case, I am a straight heterosexual dude, but I have no problem telling my best friend that I love him. I have no problem giving dude a hug when shit gets rough. As long as I know I like women, and don't have a homosexual bone in my body, i have no problem doing that. A lot of dudes are insecure about themselves and think that they have to be tough, have no emotions, and be smashing every chick on the block to be a real man. That shit ain't true at all, and once you have self confidence and security with yourself, you can no longer say no homo and act that way. I also have no problem with being friends with a gay guy, which also comes with being self-confident and secure with yourself.
But if another dude talks like he watched Clueless too many times in his life,
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Can you do this? Rollllinnnn w/ tha hommmmmieeeeeees?
These two things clash when it comes to finding out someone is gay. Subconsciously we think that if we kick it or associate with a gay man, that we will be grouped together with him or be considered less of a man.
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I ain't gone front. I went to a all girls college for a year, and two of my homies was rockin' behind my back. Once I found out I was like errr, and I asked one of em, how do you avoid liking your friends.?
SHE LIT INTO ME.
She said "just because I rock w/ gurls, don't mean I wanna mash my female friends".
And that shit was real. It was like, I made the inference that because she liked gurls, then she would like me. I inferred that she had no self control nor a code to operate by. This inference I made was clearly Anti-woman.
Looking back I understand that now. I was younger then.
Smell me?
Can you do this? Rollllinnnn w/ tha hommmmmieeeeeees?
Don't know what that means so i'ma leave it alone
Smell me?
Believe me, i ain't had to experience this yet but when i do...i will try my hardest to keep my cool. Who knows though? lol
Smell me?
Believe me, i ain't had to experience this yet but when i do...i will try my hardest to keep my cool. Who knows though? lol
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You needs to stop.
Rolllin w/ that homies is a classic scene from clueless.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIKVyMZMUyw
Basically what jackie said, and also added to the perception or portrayal of effeminate gay white males in media, black men don't wanna identify with that AT ALL. The fear of being called "a punk" and other p-derived terms...its all about the perception and perspective of manhood in this society methinks.
In other cultures and countries its not eye brow lifting to express love for a friend or brother but here in the States we've been so homocentricised we say and do things unconsciously that just make no darn sense.
Dressin how i dress. Wearin colors before they become popular in the mainstream. Associating with a google of girls in only a friendship like manner. Bein so sexy and suave...people have questioned my sexuality. Am I surprised? Naw. If I were them I'd try to put me down too. But its so sad that our people (and no i'm not just talking about black people here) have not come far enough to get past such narrow-minded prejudices.
Will it end in the near future? I doubt it...but I think it is beginning to get phased out as it becomes less and less of a taboo...
In short, people need to stop being so amassed in thier own insecurites and let people be themselves.
The fear of being called "a punk" and other p-derived terms.
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Punk & P*ssy.
So true.
Bloog. Aincha people from Nigeria.
Don't nigerian cats hold hands in public and its NOTHING.
Thats a bug out.
Yeah, they do but when they're young tho like say btw ages 3-7...
Cats will NOT do that my age or even when they hit their teens...make no mistake. I think what happens is after a certain age men won't be as openly/physically touchy but will express more through actions for/on behalf of..I mean don't get it twisted where I'm from, men don't cry period, except its something SOO devastating.
I didn't know dudes could be free with their emotions till I got here.
yo. you hit it dead on the head when you talked about how thinly constructed khaled masculinity is. in a old vibe interview 2pac once said that he didn't know how to be a man becuase he didn't feel hard. he could cook and clean, but didn't feel hard. therefore, he thought he ain't know how to be a man.
it is impossible for any man to really live up to what we are taught masculinity relly is. because of this, we all feel less manly that we think we should and we have to find wasy to compensate. one of those ways is homophobia and another is sexism. because we so concerned with proving to other men that we are men, we do all kinds of stuff that we don't even want to do, na'mean? khaled brother had to be hurt by his brothers qualification of his love for him, and as opposed to thinking that its quite natural to not only love his brother but other men in general, he had to say 'no homo' to make sure dudes in the club saw he wasn't no punk. if the shit is goin change men have to learn to be less afraid looking like a punk. good piece.
hey! check ya e-mail homey
I was raised the majority of my life by moms. Pops wanted to be there, but he just had to many issues, etc. Anyway, I learned what manhood was about not from my dad, but BECAUSE of my dad. I knew that he was a man, but I knew that I didn't want to be the type of man HE was... I wanted to be my own man, and I always viewed manhood as being the embodiment of independence. Independence doesn't mean that you don't rely on help, that you can't show weakness or fear, that you must TAKE what you want. Independence, manhood, to me is knowing when you must rely on help, on being a human and allowing oneself to experience a full range of emotions, to confront and embrace fear instead of suppressing it, and working for what you want.
This dude, Khaled - wait, first off, who IS dude?
It's funny that people feel the need to say "no homo" before shit. The same dudes who started that bullshit were notorious for wearing "feminine" colors... None of this stuff makes sense. I couldn't imagine telling my brother I love him - no homo. Niggas need to step on the damn box that they have created for themselves, and just BE themselves.
Really, we don't know that Khaled is or isn't gay, and if he needs to relate the "no homo" mantra to his brother, or any other man for that matter, then more power to him.
But to me, the biggest thing is that even if he was gay, no one would give a flying fcuk, because it/he, and this "no homo" ignorance, in the grand scheme of things, just don't matter.
Can I just say that I LOVE the fact that so many male readers responded.
From they hearts!
Yall made a M.Dot proud to be a m.dot.
he had to say 'no homo' to make sure dudes in the club saw he wasn't no punk.
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This is the bug out.
Thats your BROTHER.
Your blood.
Ok. Saying I love you to a dude.
Ennnnh. Suspect in hip hop.
Right.
BUT to your baby bro, on his b-day, interesting.
Independence, manhood, to me is knowing when you must rely on help, on being a human and allowing oneself to experience a full range of emotions, to confront and embrace fear instead of suppressing it, and working for what you want.
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Blood.
My hands are full socially.
But I know some beautiful women, in mind spirit and wallet, in BK and the town THAT would love to marinate w/ a forward thinking brother such as yourself. <<---- LOL. M.dot's dating service.
LOL. M.dot's dating service.
++++++++++
I think I actually NEED a dating service, lol... my bad - No homo.
I don't even think hip hop necessarily frowns on love though. I think some cats make it SEEM that way but really it ain't. I've heard many a song talk about love for my dawgs (c) DMX.
So Khaled's talk is crazy and ridiculous even in a hip hop context.
P
hit me up.
Aim.
hummingbyrd89.
yo hip does frown on love cause men frown on love. x don't say, 'man i love you.' he says, 'i got love for my dogs.' saying he got love for his dogs is real different than saying he got love for other men. he's dehumanized his guys by calling them dogs and by dehuamnizing them he aint got to feel vulnerable and therefore can't be hurt. a dog might bite you but a dog ain't going to hurt you emotionally. men can deal with physical pain. hell, our ability to deal with physical pain measures how manly we are. but emotional pain...sheeeit, we run like mice from cats. yo patriarchy teaches men to run from emotions our whole lives. men who don't do that tend to be called faggots and thats why o boy had to rep some no homo shit when he was talking about his brother. its bananas. for men who buy into in patriarchy there ain't nothing worse than being 'gay-like' or woman-like.'
Thanks for this insightful post. It's about time someone spoke up.
he's dehumanized his guys by calling them dogs and by dehuamnizing them he aint got to feel vulnerable and therefore can't be hurt. a dog might bite you but a dog ain't going to hurt you emotionally.
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Good lord.
I thought my analysis was astute.
for men who buy into in patriarchy there ain't nothing worse than being 'gay-like' or woman-like.'
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Who are you.
I like you.
aim.
hummingbyrd89.
Hi aaron.
Thats one of my favorite names btw.
Im glad you liked it.
~m.d.
yo its just matt again. thanks for liking me. thats nice of you. holla at me.
okay matt.
I got insomnia.
Check your mailbox.
okay matt.
I got insomnia.
Check your mailbox.
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