Thursday, October 11, 2007

Black Men, Anger and Violence: The Toxic Combo.

TwitThis



For my loyal readers, you know that Sweet Jesus (SJ) is in Dallas,
and I went there last weekend for the born day - OU/Texas
festivities.

Walking around at an OU event with this negro is like kickin'
it with Obama. I swear.


Shaking hands and kissing babies (okay, so he wasn't kissing babies
but you get the picture).


Women hugging him, FLY women, n*ggas in benzes honking at 'em,
and I am thinking to myself, tha' f*ck I got myself into?
It became VERY clear to me how well regarded he was by his peers.

It was like I was he was running for campaign
and I was the chief of staff trying to keep the boss on schedule.

LOL.


So. Imagine my surprise when we get into the spot and this random
dude me assaults me.

Some dude tapped my @ss but at first I though it was SJ.

Then I stood there thinking that it was weird that SJ would do
something so vulgar IN public, see, IM the WILD one.

SJ was walking ahead of me, and ain't see it happen.

Once I realize that it wasn't a flirtatious smack, I am standing there
shocked.

Then the n*gga says to ME, " I don't see why you
looking shocked,
he ain't gone do nothing."

I was stuck and I was scared y'all for two reasons.


I felt like he was testing me. I am not really to keen on being tested
at the juncture of my life.

Me telling SJ meant violence. I knew it.



SJ was standing there talking to his homie and best friend, BIG FUN.
I actually nudge him BF, but I ain't think he felt me, and its
best that he didn't.

Me saying something could easily mean a felony for me,
SJ and BIG FUN. Our futures could all be f*cked.

But then there was my pride.

Y'all know I come from violence.

Shoot first and ask questions later violence.

But I knew, based on how SJ was regarded, by how people treated him
when they saw him, that shit would be a melee.

I did not want to be the cause of that.

Furthermore, Big Fun struck me as a dude keeps access to heat,
or who at the very least would not mind stomping a n*gga out.
I erred on the side of caution and put my pride aside.
Now I was shaking.

SJ asked me whats wrong, I told him I wanted to go outside to the patio,
get a drank, and I would tell him then.

So we walked past dude, AGAIN. This time I faced him and looked
dead in his face and he TOTALLY was trying to test me.

He actually nudged my HAND after I passed him. Bugged out!

Once outside I gave SJ the censored version. Said that
someone touched me inappropriately and I didn't say anything
before because I ain't wanna start shit.

I later learned that the function we attended was held at a location
that had OU/TEXAS folks and the g.p. Saturday night folks as well.

I just met
BIG FUN the night before.
Ol' boy struck me as a suburban dude, who was a lil rough
round the edges.

And thank god for intuition, because in the car later
that night, over hat post club meal SJ casually mentioned that
that BIG FUN keeps TWO GATS on 'em at
all times. (Texas concealed weapons laws are greasy.)
And if they
ain't on 'em, they in the trunk.

Can you imagine how drastically our lives could have changed that night?

I rides for my intuition always, and that experience was a further
confirmation of how necessary it is.

==========
==========

When was the last time you had to put your
pride
aside to protect the group?

Do you know how difficult that is?

Why does reacting feel so good?

How do you avoid reacting?

==========
==========

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

bell hooks said that a women's intuition should not be denigrated as willful or flippant. intuition itself is just the mind having what is equivalent to 'muscle memory'; you just know what's going to happen, because you've seen it happen before. so when a mother's able to tell when a baby's about to get sick, long before the father's certain enough to seek a doctor, that's just because the mother's wayyy more apt to notice the subtle signs first. women in abusive relationships are similarly able to tell when their partner is about to get violent. y'all can smell the situations getting grizzly, but i swear to god y'all have some lousy sense for men.

save for some macbeth honies, women are more likely to understand that acting out in violence or force often causes more trouble than any satisfaction you get from romper-stomping a troublesome cat.

and personally, i think avoiding a reaction can make you feel just as good. i used to get hella riley, but have been able to understand that maturity demands i let things slide. especially in college, when cats'll sue you for fukkin' em up in front of their boys. or charge you with murder.

neo said...

I feel you on the "vulgar" thing with the posterior-tap..I blush when I do it to the love-interest me'self needless to say she's the starter..

Thank God you went with intuition..it really coulda gotten UGLY. 'Cos you know how us men esp black men get about our women...plus if you know you got your crew in there deep, you might be tempted to want to start something with a dude who disrespects you or anyone affiliated to you.

I had an experience once though homegirl was a friend I dug and she dug me back, we hadn't really moved forward with a desire to get into na'an, so we were at the club walking through the thick of thangs, and suddenly one of these XXL white teed thugs taps her and all and proceeds to spit game..I'm right behind, I see all of it happen. Typical male ego-instinct was to step to homeboy on some, "ay lookihere cuhz.." but I factored in three salient points:

1. I was alone

2. She was not my WOMAN, woman so..

3. He had his posse in there, I didn't know what they had on, and they in turn didn't know who I was..which goes back again to point 1.

Sometimes it really is best to let things go..its not worth it. As men some of us learn as we grow older that you may have to swallow a little jab here and there for the sake of peace, love and avoiding anything that will mess up your upward mobility.

Moniker said...

The way shit is now, you really have to think first and act later.
That's hard because when it comes to a lot of situations, us black folk are so impulsive.
---shit, at times I'm guilty of it myself.

A friend of mine was recently shot and killed because of some impulsive shit (My friend had gotten into a fight with young duke. Young duke had gotten his ass beat and was embarrassed. Young duke comes back with a gun and shoots my friend while he's with his mother).
So in situations, I'm trying to be a bit smarter. Realize the situation, where the fuck I am, and who the fuck I'm dealin' with.

Beatin' on the typical white boy ain't even safe no more.

M.Dot. said...

especially in college, when cats'll sue you for fukkin' em up in front of their boys. or charge you with murder.
========

Good point.

SJ is a lawyer.
Big Fun is a banker.
And IM greasy. LOL.

We would have been assed out.

M.Dot. said...

bell hooks said that a women's intuition should not be denigrated as willful or flippant. intuition itself is just the mind having what is equivalent to 'muscle memory'
========
Who you?

Your a beast.

Introduce yo self. Please:)

I ain't even write about two other times when I was w/ s.o's and once a nigga got comfortable w/ me in Black Bill Clinton, talking 'bout "You act like you got a gun in your purse" to ME. LOL. BBC sitting there like...awwwshit.

The other time, I was out w/
Something 'bout M.dot make n*ggas froggy. LOl.

Yeah.
I am proud of myself.
For trill.

the prisoner's wife said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
the prisoner's wife said...

i feel you.

ever since beloved made his mistake and...well, shot someone because he felt threatened (and he's a rude bwoy), i have been listening AND speaking about when i feel something ain't right.

i KNEW that day that nothing felt right, but i let it slide...said we'd be ok regardless & our whole life has changed (drastically).

so yes, i COMPLETELY understand how difficult it is to listen to that little voice in your dome & i also know how necessary it is.

(sorry for deleting..the typos was bothering me)

M.Dot. said...

ever since beloved made his mistake and...well, shot someone because he felt threatened (and he's a rude bwoy), i have been listening AND speaking about when i feel something ain't right.
=========

God bless you ma.

For a.)
Speaking truth to power, because for as LONG as I have been writing you have been reading BUT YOU NEVER said what happened to your husbear.

b.) For honoring me and women in general for listening to that little voice, that little f*cking voice in our heads/guts that changes lives.

How poignant is it that my experience in Dallas led me to believe that having "justice" in my honor would lead to felonies for the three of us.

My question for you is, and feel free to respond in private via im, my question is do you think that speaking out triggered your partner to act or do you wish that you did NOT say something, because then he would not have acted?

Jena six anyone?

the prisoner's wife said...

a. i rarely say it to anyone...that he SHOT someone because their face changes & they look at me differently.

but

to answer your question...

i wish i HAD said something. long story short, i knew he had a gun for a minuite. isht had happened before, he carried it. it made me completely uneasy (esp since i was preggo @ the time & DID NOT want a gun around our son). but on the day in question he had it & didn't have any intention of using it, but you know how powerful negroes get when they carrying (they start poppin that "you talking to me" jazz). words were exchanged, beloved bounced...dude returns with a bag & is reaching into it...beloved cocks back...lives are changed.

my regret is that i didn't say, GET RID OF THAT SHIT! the day he brought it into our home. i guess i was confortable around guns, so i wasn't worried about it going off or something random. we were in bklyn afterall. we did go out late...shit happens, but that day, things just didn't feel right & i wish i would have spoken up about THAT.

make sense?

M.Dot. said...

my regret is that i didn't say, GET RID OF THAT SHIT! the day he brought it into our home. i guess i was confortable around guns, so i wasn't worried about it going off or something random. we were in bklyn afterall. we did go out late...shit happens, but that day, things just didn't feel right & i wish i would have spoken up about THAT.
============
I guess I was comfortable around guns.

Who you telling?

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