It wasn't until December that I learned the extent to which SJ
was looking at the front door.
We were talking, something that we did 2 or 3 times a day,
and he casually mentioned "This is the best conversation
that we have had in like 6 weeks".
I was like errrrrk record scratch.
I knew the relationship was going over a rough patch,
but sh-t, on a scale of 1-10, 10 being good, I though it
was at least 4.5. Apparently he was on some 2.5 type
sh-t. I have always contended that without feedback, you just
can't get better.
To be fair, I was not in the place to do something
constructive with the feedback. Anger at life got in the
way. But there is something to be said for stating,
"M.dot, yo, this, this and this is a deal breaker and
if it doesn't improve, I'm out. No threats, just putting you on".
I also know that this is a culture that teaches, rewards
and instills in men that emotions are feminine and to
be avoided at all costs.
The lack of feedback reminds me of how, in law school,
there is this expectation that you are suppose to just "figure out"
arcane jurisdictional rules with other students who
are fumbling around just as blindly as you are.
There is nil feedback. In fact you have to fight for it.
That being said, the only way you learn is by constantly
participating in the feed back loop, like a second seed team thats
gunning for the upset.
You practice. Play. Review your success. Watch last week's
game tape. Review your mistakes. Watch your
opponents game tapes. Takes note. Adjust your strategy.
Turn around, start over gain at practice.
So yeah fellas. Mentioning the extent and scope to which
you are unhappy would really help us in deciding how we will
respond if at all. I am sure that the ladies could stand to do the
This post is brought on in large part by the fact that Filthy is here.
Last night he continually asked me, "How you Feel?"
For him, it's reflexive. For me that sh-t was annoying.
Now you know me. I am more inclined to answer a question,
an inquisitive in the gristle question, provided I know that
the other person is going to reciprocate.
Upon reflection, I get it. The "How you Feel's?" are
an effort to instill a continued Feed Back Loop and
I ain't mad at that.
Men and Emotions and looking at the front door.
You give feed back or you just let 'em dangle in the
wind and keep and eye on the door knob?