Choose Ya'Self

Catfish, check.
Macaroni and cheese, check.
Sautéed teriyaki broccoli, check.

Last week it was sesame ginger salmon,
buttery asparagus and roasted garlic potatoes.

Flavorful right?
Today I was cooking and I thought to myself
you know what, Imma' marry me. I know it's weird.
But we are a little familiar with each other around
here, especially after last weeks post.
You know howErykah sings, I choose me?
In a way, I think thats what those meals remind me of.

I ran into some homies today, they have a brunch crew.
One of them, Melodia, was like, you going? I was like,
nah, got some blackened catfish and mac and
cheese to tend to.



She then mentioned that "The Boys" some other
brunch cats, might show up to my kitceh if they learned
that catfish and mac and cheese are on the menu. I
thought to myself, unless a dude is trying to
change my income tax filing status, he best not
show up when I'm burning in the kitchen.



She noticed that I seemed serious. She asked what
it was about. I responded saying that the cooking is
a sign of being high functioning.
She nodded, in agreement.

I learned something about myself last week.
With a mix of snacks and a full stomach, I can produce
some workable work.

Strawberry's. Scones. Peerless coffee.

Last week. I wrote something everyday. Everyday.
I don't know if I can sustain it. I try not to worry about
that.

Speaking of cooking, Filthy is off visiting his
family and I miss him.

Last night we had one of those conversations where he
reflected on how it feels to have his work respected by
his family, how it feels to see that he would like to have
a conversation with his yet to be born son similar to
the one that he had with his dad yesterday

He mentioned how Manning Marable criticized Malcolm for
leaving his family in Queens to go Detroit and
deliver the Ballot or the Bullet, the day after he,
Betty and the girls were bombed out of their family home,

He mentioned how being committed to progress and change
is often seen as being secondary to "the movement".

My thinking has awlays been "what more progressive
thing can you do than sustain your family?"

I was impressed, but I was mum.

A man chooses, when and where he commits, to whom
and for how long. I just listened.

Speaking of commitments, SJ's birthday was yesterday.
Just like that. I missed him. Not like I wanted to call or
anything but he was my homie. Feel me? And its a wrap.
I couldn't help but think about how he was willing to wait
until this weekend to see me. It would have been the first
visit since Christmas. Looking back, that willingness to
wait was indicative of an end that I had yet to accept it.
Ain't hindsight some sh-t?

Last week's writing hustle was type impressive and it
has carried into the weekend. I woke up Monday through
Thursday last week, and wrote at least 30 minutes before
the gig.

I got to the spot a night, I wrote. I remember reading that someone
encountered Jay Elec with the same outfit they saw him
wearing a few days ago, they inferred that Jay hadn't been to sleep.

I am not at that point, yet. But I do know that my schedule,
for the last several days has had writing at the center piece.
It feels like every morning has a deliberate purpose.

However, last night, I couldn't get anything out. It irked me.
Conversation with Filthy was on my bird a bit. I took a shower.
Still nothing.

So I just started looking for old Nas songs. I know that a good mix
will loosen it the writing up. I Discovered a fly joint with
Nas and Mobb Deep "Live N*gga Rap". Its dark and creepy,
just like how I like my Mobb music to be. I have added some
Slum Village which makes me think about Jay Dee and how
we have to do what we need because we don't know when
a day will be the last. "UBlack Maybe", "Driving me Wild"
and "Start the Show" by Common to the mix.

I got a page and a half in. E-mailed to Filthy for critique.

Went to sleep.

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How do you deal with people dropping by?

Hindsight show you anything lately?

Discipline requires you to constantly be willing
to exit from conversations and invitations to
return to your work.
Have you done so recently?

How did it turn out?

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