Last week, Beauty in Baltimore asked me, Whats the
difference between a woman who charges [for sex]
and a woman who goes home with dudes from the
club from free? While I had a response, I knew that by
the nature of comments that followed that the very
question deserved its own post.
The intersection of sex and commerce has always been
present here on Model Minority. It has come up in the Duke
Rape case, the R-Kellychild molestation case, the discussion
of Karrine Stephens book and Spitzergate.
I have always been interested in labor and compensation,
so this is right up my alley. However, while had some ideas,
I didn't have the language to concisely describe
the difference between a prostitute and a woman who goes
home with a guy from the club because she is trying to get
some rent money.
So, I had to reach out to Birkhold to get some clarity on the
distinction.
As a result of my conversation with him, I have narrowed down
three fundamental distinctions between the two groups.
The first distinction is that for a prostitute, her vagina is
a commodity. The john is literally paying for what is in
between her legs. The prostitute-John relationship turns
on the fact that she has been bought.
This notion underscores the fact that paying for sex
with a prostituteis renting a womans sexual labor. Sex
becomes labor for sell.
The second distinction is that the prostitute cannot say no.
Her sex-labor has been purchased. To say no is to invite
not only violence, but the police and scars and bruises to
her body that will impact her ability to work. Whereas, the
lady going home with a dude, or even me, the hungry grad
student with a penchant for Thai can always say no. We
have leverage that a prostitute never has.
Many times we haven't made up our mind on what we are
going to do. If I am sitting in a Tribeca Thai spot with a banker,
I can always decide if I do or do not want to go back to his
loft. The prostitute has no such option.
The third distinction is that, conceivably, neither me, nor
the club lady would be eating or going home with someone
that we didn't find reasonably attractive in the first place.
The prostitute, has no say in choosing whether he is attractive
or not, the sex-labor has been purchased. Her attraction
to him is irrelevant.
So there it is, short and sweet, Sex-Labor 101.
You convinced or am I blowing hot air?
Does the distinction resonate?
What do you think of the idea of Sex as Labor?
12 comments:
Spot on...
nothing to see here.
L & G's Neo has spoken, we can all go home now.
interesting.
the first book i endeavored was about Sex Workers, I interviewed call girls, street walkers, lap dancers, pole dancers, peep show workers, dominitrix workers and submissives..
many of the women who were paid the most were not paid for "sex" as much as for an experience, which ranged from sex to violence to just about everything in between.
Sex is an easy commodity that the average herb can get. Women are often confused as to what drives me to Sex Workers when they are thinking in terms of Missionary and Doggy Style they are usually a bit confused.
which ranged from sex to violence to just about everything in between.
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F-cking yikes.
It's not the P*ssy they are paying for..it's the power to get what they want, which is not to say that sex workers are not and cannot be raped or assaulted as a result.
Are you kidding me?
They are totally paying for their vagina's. Its sex-labor for cash, straight up and down.
The power to GET what they want certainly plays a huge role. What the Johns want is her vagina, thats what he pays for, thats what he gets.
What the Johns want is her vagina, thats what he pays for, thats what he gets.
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but don't you think a person is paying for the sex workers body, cooperation & silence. and what about when they don't want vaginal sex? There's mad vagina's to be had but a non-sex worker might question or judge a certain experience a person wants to have or just flat out refuse. and some Johns don't want to have certain sexual experiences with those they are emotionally attached or put in the time/work to get that person comfortable enough to provide desired experience. It's like AJ said, it's payment for a particular experience w/ her body-no questions asked.
but don't you think a person is paying for the sex workers body, cooperation & silence. and what about when they don't want vaginal sex?
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Just like my outfits, there are exceptions to every rule.
Can we agree, for argument sake, that Johns are renting a vagina.
It's like AJ said, it's payment for a particular experience w/ her body-no questions asked.
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YES. An experience that INCLUDES USAGE/RENTAL of her vagina.
NOT her mouth.
Not her eyes.
Not anything else.
That would be a great class and i would enroll
We're gonna have to agree to disagree on vagina rental, from my research the vagina wasn't exactly always what was being rented..
M.dot, you are my girl. I got a long one for you. I want to link to your two posts on this topic. I don't look at you like a prostitute because of the Thai dinners by the way and neither should you start questioning yourself.
M.Dot who said those women don't have a choice. The women I saw in Amsterdam would tell men to get away from their windows/doors if they did not find them attractive. Even street prostitutes will turn a man down if they don't want to perform an act or find him repulsive. I also saw some of those same prostitutes bang on the windows or even open the doors to whistle at men they found attractive.
Since we use the argument that being prolife is telling a woman she can't have control over her body aren't we telling women who want to sell it legally the same thing?
According to all of the documentaries I’ve seen, articles and books I read, most men go to prostitutes for oral sex. So men are renting a mouth, not a vagina. The reason that so many men go for oral sex is because there are still a lot of women( like myself) who hate it and see it as demeaning. There are other who men don't want their wives or girlfriends to perform oral sex on them since they see it as disgusting and disrespectful even though they enjoy it.
There are other men who go to talk. Can you believe it, just to talk. Now what kind of woman does he have at home that he can't even sit down to talk to her. He has to go and pay a prostitute for conversation or just to listen. I some of the johns have sympathy for the women too.
There are also the pervs who go to prostitutes because the women they have at home won't perform certain acts. Things like beating him with a whip, using a hammer on his penis, tying his penis in a knot etc. On the HBO documentary I a few years ago, prostitutes laughed amongst themselves about the different perverted customers they serviced. They also made fun of another prostitute who did not make as much money as they did because she would not turn down the perverts.
Yes it is payment for her body no questions asked, but how is that so different from a booty call besides the exchange of money. Don’t women call men for booty calls so they can have good sex and then have the men leave a few minutes after the act is over. Not all men are looking for a relationship. I would much rather a man sleep with a prostitute who knows the deal instead of meeting a woman who wants more and dumping her after he has had sex with her. Some men never want to get married.
Violence unfortunately comes with the territory when you work the streets. The likelihood of violence against a prostitute sharply decreases in places like the bunny ranch. Furthermore, there are plenty of women who are assaulted that have never worked in the industry. Most women are attached by men they know, not a boogy man.
What about women who trick? There are women who pay to have sex with men. I saw a documentary on this too. What about men who trick for other men?
By the way I am not including drug addicts who sell their bodies because that is different. I also think that street prostuition should be remain illegal.
You would be surprised at the number of prostitutes who use condoms compared to women who don’t work in the sex industry.
viva la sex labor.
I added you to my blogroll. peace.
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