Saturday, February 16, 2008

Domestic Violence: What Would You Do?

TwitThis


I hate the term domestic violence.

Domestic serves to modify and soften the word violence.
It seeks to make it a less threating more acceptable
kind of violence. And thats a problem.

Think about this fact.
42% of women murdered in this country, are
killed by lovers, partners spouses. This means that
by and large, we get killed by men that we love, men
that we are intimate with.
(I am not sure of the statistics of
women who are killed by their female partners,
but the rate of women killed by their male partners
is currently tracked, so I will go with it for now).

Now me and this dude go hard, he's family,
So if he says, "Yo, you been picking at me",
I knew he was serious.

It all stems from a conversation last week where he
mentioned that he had to break up
a fight between a dude and a girl. He went on to say
that if he see's a dude that is clearly bigger,
and hitting on a woman, he is going to do something.

I responded saying, I believe that if you
are violent You Are Violent, and if you aren't violent
then you aren't. This, "I don't hit girls sh-t" is
for the birds.

Looking back. My answer was too theoretical
and apparently didn't fly with his version of
hood reality.

Earlier today, he mentioned that my response didn't make
sense. He went on to say that after he played his role
and tried to break up the fight and left, the dude punched
the girl in her neck. She was taken to the hospital
for that injury and also because she drank to much.

He was angry at me because I said that it wasn't his role to
get in the middle
.

My position was that you are either for violence or against it.
This " I don't hit girls sh-t " was some outta-pocket hair
splitting.

That ain't cut the mustard with him.

m.dot:"What happens when you get in it to defend the
girl and the dude comes at you?"

dig dug: "In that case, they weren't gonna come at me.
They know me and they know that I will go bad on them".

m.dot: "I forgot that you have a thick is invincibility
strand". He remains quiet.
I cleaned up my previous statement and said, alright blood,
I should have said that these situations should be judged on
a case by case basis. I also added that my experience has
shown me that you can come in between a man and a woman
and in trying to defend her she starts attacking you,
presumable for hitting her man.

I acknowledged that there is no easy solution to those situations.
dig dug: Yeah, you right about the case by case basis too.

me: Yeah. I should have said that last week. Plus. I think
that the "don't hit girls thinking is dangerous because what
stops a person from saying that YOU CAN DO SOMETHING
to a girl BECAUSE she is female".
He acknowledges what I said with a pause, he doesn't
outright agree with me. I sensed that he knows that I have
a point, but he is going to continue to stick to his Gemini guns
because he can't help it.
dig dug: Plus, I know you different form me, you a liberal.
m.dot: What, I'm a liberal, then what are you then?
dig dug: I ain't no liberal. You probably gonna vote for Hillary Clinton.
I bet you was in Berkeley last week protesting the Marines.
me: ***Cracking up laughing. What. Why you say that? You
are so scandalous. Did you find out your voting eligibility?
Who you voting for?
dig dug: The old dude, the grandpa.
me: McCain? Why?
dig dug: Because he a grandpa, he deserve to win.
me: ***shakes my head, but I am happy the argument is deescalated.
The bugged out thing, is that if I ever got myself into a squabble,
dig dug would be the first person I called because I KNOW he is
that thorough.

That was a hard conversation y'all.

====
====

Do you intervene if you see a man putting
his
hands on a woman?

Does it matter if you know them?

Would you intervene if they were strangers?

Why or why not?

====
====

17 comments:

neo said...

If I'm close to them I might depending on what they're using to fight..if they on that weapon stance my butt is playing the background refereeing the whole thing to de-escalate.

If they're strangers, I can't call it..but if I saw she was in danger I might anonymously holla at the police..

Chuck said...

If I know them, i'll try to break it up. But if they're strangers... HELL no.

True story.. A young black couple lived next door to me, the chick used to get her ass beat at least 3 times a week. I never said anything because it's not my business.

Also only the FIRST asskicking is the mans fault. Each subsequent ass beating is the woman's fault because she's too stupid to leave.

But back to the story... I began to feel bad because I never went next door and tried to break up the action... but one night, a different neighbor goes to their place in a middle of her getting a mudhole stomped in her ass.

Her boyfriend stayed silent when the neighbor got there, but SHE got mad at the neighbor and said "nigga you dont know me, get the fuck out of my house"... .and continued getting her ass beat.

I just shook my head.

Model Minority said...

if they on that weapon stance my butt is playing the background refereeing the whole thing to de-escalate
===

Man.

Its just one of them things.

And for Dig dug to be yelling at me,
it was like, I was questioning his man hood or some shit and I aint get the memo.

Model Minority said...

Also only the FIRST asskicking is the mans fault. Each subsequent ass beating is the woman's fault because she's too stupid to leave.
==========

Can't cosign on that sir.
I think that you are being far to black and white in a gray situation, which is what dig dug accused me of.

While I do understand that the victim avials herself of said situation, the streets are evil towards women on the run from abuse.

Majority of homeless people are families and the majority of famlies are on the street as the result of abuse.

http://www.google.com/search?source
=ig&hl=en&rlz=1G1GGLQ_ENUS249&q=
homeless+families+abuse&btnG=
Google+Search

It takes empathy to perceive how a momma/woman would stay in a house and be beat rather than leave and potentially be homeless.

I do agree that after a man has demonstrated that he would lay hands on her, that she has ALL the proof that she needs to leave. Whether she sees it or not is another question.

Model Minority said...

Can't believe yall ain't say shit about the genius of the Tyson pict.

Lame.

Lavina said...

Hmm this is a hard convo. I may be bias because I grew up in a home with "domestic violence" (my father hitting my mother). I really feel that if kids are in the picture someone NEEDS to intervene. It is very traumatic for kids to see parents behaving this way. I personally lived in fear hoping my father wouldn't end up murdering my mother, at the same time I was always prepared to live in a women's shelter. Back to the questions. If you know the couple and see it going down then yes you should try to break it apart. It doesn't end there though. The women needs support and help. Now if it's strangers you could/could not try to intervene, it depends on how serious it is/kids are witnessing it. I personally wouldn't intervene cause I'm a petite woman but I would either call the police/threaten to. I mean I would feel incredibly guilty if later I found out the woman was killed.

Do I feel damaged having witnessed domestic violence? You betcha.

Would things have turned out differently if strangers intervened? yes I feel like a big part of my childhood was ripped from under my feet. I have a lot of baggage.

Has it ever happened to me? Hell fuckin naw. If my boyfriend ever attempted to hit me he would get hit the fuck back.

Aunt Jackie said...

True story...a family up the street from me suffered from violence. the woman and her five girls tried to leave numerous times but no one wanted to house six women with a crazy man outside of the house screaming and what not.

Eventually he snapped and really hurt two of his girls and his wife. the police were forced to take action and he hung himself in jail leaving her a widow and single mother of five.

I have a zero tolerance for violence however these days folks are crazy and i would have to take things in a case by case instance to see whether or not i would intervene and how.

Model Minority said...

I mean I would feel incredibly guilty if later I found out the woman was killed.
-========

That sh-t be on my bird too.

Like, having to walk around knowing this is Not cool for the soul.

If my boyfriend ever attempted to hit me he would get hit the fuck back.
========
Your voice is dumb fly.

Ummmm. Yeah. The violence, I see it, but I reach for alternatives every day.

Every since I learned how '68 gave us '88, I push for alternative visions.

Model Minority said...

Eventually he snapped and really hurt two of his girls and his wife. the police were forced to take action and he hung himself in jail leaving her a widow and single mother of five.
==========

The stories be so heart breaking.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

nothing should ever lead a man to hit a woman, unless she is trying to kill him

Model Minority said...

ummmm.

Self defense hunh?

I can dig it.

It's legally defensible in court.

Illaim said...

"This means that
by and large, we get killed by men that we love, men
that we are intimate with."

Things really haven’t changed if you think about it then

-----

It Honestly Depends It’s Much easier to intervine if you know one or both of the subjects well.

If I know the guy then its easy for me just to hemm him up and pull em away

If I know the female, then I’m much more innately compelled to defend my friend or family member (if she’s not going all KeKe Wyatt in the situation)

I honestly can say I dunno what I would do in situations when both of the people are foreign to me. A lot of bad things happen to would be good Samaritans when they introduce themselves into conflicts of the unknown….

A wide variety of possibly non logical factors would come in to play in compelling me to do something or just willfully ignore the situation

This is also one of those situations where me not being a willing 911 dialer makes life occurrences a lil more difficult to navigate

Model Minority said...

A lot of bad things happen to would be good Samaritans when they introduce themselves into conflicts of the unknown….
=======
I told my pop about the argment w/ Dig Dug, whom he knows, of course.

Poppi responded saying getting inbetween a man and a woman fighting is like attempting to break up two dogs fighting by grabbing one by the ear.

Leave it to pops to come with the crazy dumb metaphor.

Illaim said...

lol

but

His anology makes alot of sense tho ....

Model Minority said...

I know.

Old black men Tend to make a whole lot of sense.

Or just be plumb crazy.

neo said...

btw I thought you'd go further to talk about the unique r/ship of Robin Givens and Mike Tyson...

My thoughts on Robin Givens and what I felt about what she imo did to Mike, I'd like someone like you to break their r/ship down and bring it home to current pop societal r.ships...if you don't mind.

Model Minority said...

OMG.

This negro getting his request in...LOL....

Thats dope.

Nah man. I got you.

Its gonna be a hot minute.. Give me till next week. I'm bklyn bound...maybe I will do it while im there * wink. nod. *wink.

Neo.

Thank you for your kind words Saturday night, I needed them.

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