Saturday, February 02, 2008

Redemption of a Dumped Girl

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So I was single this week. For like a day.
That sh-t hurt.

I could feel the "lets just be friend's" floating
in background of our conversation on Wednesday
night.

You know that feeling you get, when it just
seems like, "You know what, he just don't love
me the same?"

Well, it came out. There we were, two legally trained
negro's going for the
each other's juggler.
That argument was more intractable than
a congressional debate on slavery
reparations,
no compromise.

I wish it on no one.
To be fair. He was ambivalent about it about making
the call. I was just in the middle of one of those,
"It shouldn't be this hard, why is it like this?" rants.

He just swooped in with "Your right, maybe friends
is the way to go." Now, after last year, with
The Graduate and BL, my position is that a
dude chooses you
.

If he wants you around, he wants you around,
and if he doesn't he doesn't. It's as simple as
that. So I didn't put up a fight.

I was also grappling my desire to write more mainstream.
This thought was triggered by the fact that the Post
just started publishing a new "BLACK" online
magazine. When I first learned about it I was juiced.
Like yeah, maybe I can pitch them some freelance work.

THEN. I went to the site. I was like man, this is like
Slate lite for negros. No criticism. No analysis.

Yesterday, Illiam was going on and on about Michelle Malakin
and I felt myself getting jealous. She brown, fly and has a
mainstream gig.

This morning,with Michelle on my mind and my desire to
do work around the transparency of public school budgets,
I searched and found a study comparing budget disparities in
Oakland Public Schools. Then I thought, why don't I create
a map overlaying average teacher salaries, current murders,
and home foreclosure for the purposes of showing how
these three things are interconnected? I felt good.

So I got up from my desk and walked to a private area
to call SJ. When I walked back, there was a vase of flowers
sitting there. I thought to myself, why people gotta leave
THEY FLOWERS on my desk. Then I saw my name on the card.
He sent them to me.

I was speechless.
I was disarmed.
I was no longer angry.

With that simple gesture he said to me and others,
I love her. She is worth surprising.

Then I turned to my g-mail and found this note from a reader which said,

As an English minor, I'm captivated by your writing style that combines prose and blank verse: it's a powerful format that punches your ideas into the reader. I read things on your blog that sometimes take me a few days to deconstruct my paradigm and then construct the one from which you wrote but doing this enlarges my soul....
(I had to google blank verse.)

And Poof.
Just like that the tumultuous week, full of
uncertainty ended.

The writing doubts dissipated.

The drive to have intense reparation like
arguments ceased.
Speechless is good. *wink*

(By Saturday sh-t was back to looking questionable.
The emotional arms race
was back on and poppin'
and I was hesitant to even
post this for fear of it being inapplicable.
But I'm going to go ahead and step out on faith and be vulnerable.
This post is my effort at disarmament.)

=====
=====

When was the last time you had one
of those conversation's that made things
exponentially worse?

How do you deescalate arguments?

Whats worse being the dumper/dumpee?

======

======

13 comments:

the prisoner's wife said...

When was the last time you had one
of those conversation's that made things
exponentially worse?
====

last sunday. and i, like you, thought it was a wrap. but then...you get surprised by hope and it doesn't look so bad.

How do you deescalate arguments?
====
i usually don't argue. i'm pretty even tempered & not much gets me ANGRY. so i'm good at not arguing, until i can't take it anymore.

Whats worse being the dumper/dumpee?
===
they both suck.

Matthew said...

Yo I would almost always rather get dumped. To be the one who chose to walk away, and therefor be the initiator of your own lonlieness/missing them is hard. If I get dumped I at least got somebody else to blame.

I deescalate them shits by asking myself what I'm scared of. Anger, by definition is a secondary emotion. If I'm angry, it is always because I'm scared, hurt, or sad. So I ask myself what's really going on with myself. That then extracts the anger from me.

I really ain't had a convo like that in a long time. Over the years I've really gotten better at thinking about how what I'm about to say is going impact the situation I'm talking about.

lightdigga said...

When was the last time you had one
of those conversation's that made things
exponentially worse?
----------------------

it was a text message that i sent two and a half weeks ago.

it said, 'i will be so happy when you finish moving' because he was saying he didn't have time to kick it until afterwards...i haven't heard from him since.

bravo for vulnerability in 2008!!

seriously dude, disarmament is good. regardless.

M.Dot. said...

==
i usually don't argue. i'm pretty even tempered & not much gets me ANGRY
=========
REALLY?

Hmmp.

M.Dot. said...

If I'm angry, it is always because I'm scared, hurt, or sad. So I ask myself what's really going on with myself. That then extracts the anger from me.
=======

Why you always gotta have the mature answers blood?

M.Dot. said...

bravo for vulnerability in 2008!!
========

MAN I hate that sh-t blood.

It does make me feel little bit more mature tho.

neo said...

When was the last time you had one
of those conversation's that made things
exponentially worse?

==this past weekend if I had not sucked it up, held my tongue and actually LISTENED...

How do you deescalate arguments?

==shut up and listen..

Whats worse being the dumper/dumpee?

==it ain't good either way but the dumpee feels it the most.

Model Minority said...

shut up and listen
=======

SO I guess the take-a-way is shut up and listen....AND send flowers....LOL

hot sizzle schizzle said...

wow...it's been too long since i've visited. the convo seems closed but i'm musclin' in anyway!

*When was the last time you had one
of those conversation's that made things exponentially worse?

about a year ago, and I ended up being the dumpee. WACK!

*How do you deescalate arguments?

I don't get into arguments really, I'm just too cool for all that to tell you the truth. Generally, people just see my point of view immediately and then proceed to fan me with very large feathers.

Whats worse being the dumper/dumpee?

dumpee! that's an easy answer for me, but I hear that too often I'm ruled by my ego. people who say that are generally just not on my level though.

me, egotistic? I scoff at the notion.

scheme
astreet

Model Minority said...

I don't get into arguments really, I'm just too cool for all that to tell you the truth. Generally, people just see my point of view immediately and then proceed to fan me with very large feathers.
=========

Thank you for being honest.

LOL.

NinaMM said...

It's been some years since I had that convo, cuz I know how to make a joke now. Laughter will save a relationship in a heartbeat. If that don't work, head does the trick.

**********

Eh, I don't argue anymore. He asked me to state my point, and let it go. So that's what I do. Ironically, I just blogged about effectuating my statements with more brevity, but damn. Baby steps, shit.

**********

There's nothing better than being the dumper, to rephrase that a bit.

M.Dot. said...

cuz I know how to make a joke now. Laughter will save a relationship in a heartbeat. If that don't work, head does the trick
=========

e.

gregious.

Yet. true.

neo said...

"SO I guess the take-a-way is shut up and listen....AND send flowers....LOL"

basically...or if you're like me, proceed to cleanse ears with sweet nothings and tall tales of romantic reckless abandon.

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