Saturday, March 29, 2008

Thoughts on Men, Emotions and the Feedback Loop


It wasn't until December that I learned the extent to which SJ
was looking
at the front door.

We were talking, something that we did 2 or 3 times a day,

and he casually mentioned "This is the best conversation
that we
have had in like 6 weeks".

I was like errrrrk record scratch.

I knew the relationship was going over a rough patch,
but sh-t,
on a scale of 1-10, 10 being good, I though it
was at least 4.5.
Apparently he was on some 2.5 type
I have always contended that without feedback, you just
can't get better.

To be fair, I was not in the place to do something
constructive with the feedback. Anger at life got in the
way. But there is something to be said for stating,
", yo, this, this and this is a deal breaker and
if it doesn't improve, I'm out. No threats, just putting you on".

I also know that this is a culture that teaches, rewards
and instills
in men that emotions are feminine and to
be avoided at all costs

The lack of feedback reminds me of how, in law school,
there is this expectation that you
are suppose to just "figure out"
arcane jurisdictional rules
with other students who
are fumbling around just as blindly as you are.

There is nil feedback. In fact you have to fight for it.

That being said, the only way you learn is by constantly
participating in the feed back loop, like a second seed team thats
gunning for the upset

You practice. Play. Review your success. Watch last week's
game tape. Review your mistakes. Watch your
opponents game tapes.
Takes note. Adjust your strategy.
Turn around, start over gain at practice.

So yeah fellas. Mentioning the extent and scope to which
you are unhappy would really help us in deciding how we will
respond if at all. I am sure that the ladies could stand to do the

This post is brought on in large part by the fact that Filthy is here.

Last night he continually asked me, "How you Feel?"

For him, it's reflexive. For me that sh-t was annoying.

Now you know me. I am more inclined to answer a question,
an inquisitive in the gristle question, provided I know that
the other person is going to reciprocate.

Upon reflection, I get it. The "How you Feel's?" are
an effort to instill a continued Feed Back Loop and
I ain't mad at that.


Men and Emotions and looking at the front door.

You give feed back or you just let 'em dangle in the
and keep and eye on the door knob?



Anonymous said...

man. my version of him just completely came out of left field and shit on me thursday. I will never talk to her again. (at least that's what i tell myself)...i'll tell you bout it next time you are on aim

Nexgrl said...

I give feedback when I feel that it is worth the effort and I when I feel it will be used in a constructive manner. If none of those things seem like a possiblity for me, I will keep my thoughts of exit strategies to myself.

M.Dot. said...

i'll tell you bout it next time you are on aim

Why am I not surprised?

My aim is deaded. :(

Gonna get new addy this week. :)

M.Dot. said...

will keep my thoughts of exit strategies to myself.


Dame said...

"errrrrk record scratch."

That sound is always classic

I don’t think we as men are molded or even like to express possible “improvements”. Thinking about it we only really make suggestions in the manner of jabs during arguments…

“you are suppose to just "figure out"”

Yes….Just like the law school angogly you used, in relationships people expect that You should just “know” how to get right….. as wrong or unfair as that aproch may be.

“For him, it's reflexive. For me that sh-t was annoying”

And see that’s why we don’t ask that , that often lol

Me personally…I’ve slowly trying to kill off my inner nice guy for over a I’m more apt to let the other person “figure it out” maybe partly since I’ve always been a 2 ears, 1 mouth person always trying to observe the my equal.

On another note…

Damn…I love that song…

And I’ll have infinite love and respect if you can tell me the song Main Source used to get that sample from


The R&B song that stole the “Looking at the Front Door” beat

All I can remember is the hook that went like “Let the beat hit you” or something like that and “Round and Round…etc etc”

It goes with this real nice 1992 memory I have…..

I’ve had an Amber Alert out for that song Forever…

Help please lol…..

M.Dot. said...

I’ve slowly trying to kill off my inner nice guy for over a I’m more apt to let the other person

Um. Ain't that how god made you?

Re...that that shit...

Or check with the patnas @ HHIR...they got that sample shit on lock D.

Dame said...

I’ve always been a nature over nature guy ma…..

I’ve always had a problem with phrase “God Given Gifts”

Thanks for the advice… found it.. and the disturbing video lol

Nexgrl said...

Exit strategies because I always seem to attract the ones who ain't trying to let me leave, or leave me alone after I have left. I have had to move and only let family know how to reach me.

Model Minority said...

. I have had to move and only let family know how to reach me.

You be getting stalkers like that?

Dammmn ginnaaaaa.

Nexgrl said...

That's when I was dealing with men who lived on the block, I had to sneak to see my parents. Finally give in and give them the new #, and they proceed to call all hours of the night because they couldn't do the drive by thing.

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