Friday, May 04, 2007

Right Now I Am Listening to Stakes is High.


I am listening to De La. I just returned from running.

I can feel in my soul, that this is gonna be one of those DNA revealing posts in the vein of that TL sh*t from late March.

I listen to Stakes is High, cuz I know De La feels me.

See. Im from East Oakland. A place that YOU are not suppose to make it out of in one piece.

Let Alone be a black people loving, fast talking, tight dress wearing feminist.

I just got back from running the BK bridge.

I was trying to run the anger out. Studying in the library last night I hit the anxiety wall.

A wall that I have not seen sense BL.
You see, this semester, I had to battle the destructive nature that East Oakland represents.


The East Oakland Greasy that propels me, can be the same thing that
holds me back.

I come from a self destructive place.

A beautiful place.

But a destructive place.

Outsiders often wonder why people in the hood destroy sh*t.

It's because n*ggas CAN'T see a future for themselves.


I have been just as destructive also.


I had EVERY THING going for me.

Thats why I had so much love for Clarrett.

Here was this dude, w/ mega talent, but his dark side KEPT F*CKING WITH HIM.

So I listen to De La.

I listen to De LA and I remember WHEN I WANTED TO BE WHERE I AM NOW,

and I am thankful.

It takes a village to raise and

So I offer thank you's.

In alpha order:

Danyel Smith: For telling me to WRITE, regardless.

Dekka: For explaining that in order to focus for two weeks straight, NO CELL, NO IM.

Dig Dug: For being hilarious. For feeling me. For allways wanting to know when Im coming home.

Gotty: For being my muse. For deading me when I complained about BL incessantly.

Harlem Gem: For telling me last November " You are either going to break up with him or go to DC". For re-affirming my confidence. For not knocking me when I was down.

Irish Liberterian: For staying on me to study in the basement. Now I be in that b*tch erry day.

J!: For taking me seriously.

Jase: For never judging me.

For being here since the admission essay, for being strategy architect.

Lurkers: I know yall out there. Say hi. lemme hear from ya.

Mean Sexy: For being firm w/ the NO NEW N*GGAS rule this semester. And for coming through when my money got funny.

For telling me about his grad school woes, and helped me to see, adminstrative hoop jumping was something that MANY a student went through.

Min Reporter: For encouraging me to take risks when I write and for letting me know, subtly, that she reads everything.

Miss Ahmad: For knowing and loving the Oakland we BOTH remember.

Mum: For being compassionate when I least expected it.

Neo: For being an "artist".

Pet Detective:
For forcing me to be cognisant of how my thinking affects my surrounds. For helping me realizing my gift.

Poppaay!: For being compassionate, obnoxious and brilliant. For showing me that Black men never give up.

S.Bot: For being my greasy hero. For being the architect to my survival. For helping me see that we all deal with urges.

Texas Truth: For providing constructive criticism, for being available and for riding for Jesus and Black people.

Walt: For loving Hip Hop and Detroit as much as I do.

Wil.e.: For enthusiasticlly listening to my mundane details, for being thorough.



To De La. Thank you for providing a soundtrack to my dreams and everything that falls inbetween.

To My angels and God, thank you for listening.



Texas Truth said...


You're welcome, cousin.

M.Dot. said...


Walt Chomsky said...

This is some of the realest shit I've ever read from you.


M.Dot. said...

Thank you.

I put my life lines in between these papers rhymes.

M.Z. said...

I watched Clarett's downfall in person(OSU alum '06) and his problems had more to do with his sense of entitlement more than anything. His future was spelled out for him and he still found a way to fuck it up. Alot of his problems were internal more than external. The downfall was tragic, but you saw it coming a mile away.

The Minority Reporter said...


Make sure u makin it Dew what it dew this week ma! then next week i'll take u out for some watermelon and snoballs and we'll sit on da porch, braid hair and play hand games...since u wanna laugh like celie. lmao

M.Dot. said...

Hi M.Z.

his problems had more to do with his sense of entitlement more than anything.
1.) Don't you think that C's sense of entitlement was cultivated and enabled by the people around him who were willing to "overlook" his issues for the purposes of pushing his career along, and eventually having a postive impact on their careers?

M.Z. said...

M. Dot

To some degree, but no more than anyone else on the team. But people reached to him even after he had no real shot at a career anymore. Here in Columbus, you still can have a decent life being a former buckeye(I know firsthand because I have a cousin who is one). He didn't want that though.
There's not even alot of sympathy for him by his former teammates, who many had a similar(or worse) upbringing than him.

M.Dot. said...


Clarrett issues are less about Clarrett and more about power.

My standard is not one employed by the mainstream.

Instutions have an obligation to either abstain or disclose/assit.

For example, if OS was aware of his issues, THEY were obligated to provide assistance for him so that he could function highly ON and OFF the field, or get rid of him.

This is where they get scandless.

By keeping him, offering assistance, allowing him to refuse it, and ALLOWING HIM TO PLAY, sends the message that "we will work with you, take what we need, and watch you implode".

FOR this behavior, the institutions are culpable.

Have you peeped, Bill Rhodens, 40 Million Dollar Slaves?

Its an eye opener.


neo said...

*takes a bow*

m.z. said...

M. Dot

I have been meaning to read the book. But Clarett is a bad example, he was suspended from the team for his behavior(filing false police report) and allowed to stay in school. He was given opportunites to get back on the field, but chose not to take them. He only played his freshman year for OSU. He chose to drop out of school and sue the NFL for early entry to the draft. I agree for the most part with what your saying but I just think that he's not the best example.

p.s. It's that I witnessed alot of what happened in person, that I have this view of Clarett. If you had used another name I would have not given it too much thought.

M.Dot. said...

@ M.Z.

Say word.

You got the inside track.

I use Clarrett because he IS one of the most Prominent examples.

Perhaps what you have, what we refer to in evidence as a Bias.

Its cool.

I ain't sayin' dude is an angel.

I think HE ONE OF THE MOST PROMINENT recent examples of HOW an athlete IMPLODES publicly.

MY theory with OS or WITH ANY OTHER ATHELTE is that these institutions need to either HELP THESE GUYS or KICK 'EM OUT.

TO sit up there, and suck what you can from them, knowing that they operating on a broken wing is unconscionable.

I guess this is personal to both of us.

As the Clarett situation, to a certain extent, happend to me.

Sick people don't to take help.

They get help, when their enablers stop acting and leave them to their own devices so that they can hit rock bottom and rebuild.

~ Go Buckeyes

m.z. said...

Kicking them out doesn't help 'em either though. The NCAA doesn't really allow schools to do much for these athletes anyway. That's why there are so many infractions and stuff against schools.

Yeah, i have a bias against Clarett and i can admit that. I was in a situation at Hampton and they chose to kick me out. It took me a couple years to get back on track. So i know it can be done.

Troy Smith went through a similar incident (smaller degree), but he stuck it out.

You can't help those that don't want to be helped.

Til the next post M. Dot..........
nice discussion though.

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